I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
