you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Randomize
