Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
