Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
