i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
