You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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