R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
