Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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