After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
