he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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