okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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