your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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