Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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