Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have aggressive nipples.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
