I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Still dying that you shit outside
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
