What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
