Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I could make wine with my vomit
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
