Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
