you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
