I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
