so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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