hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
