I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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