hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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