I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
