You're so nebulous sometimes
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
