WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
