Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
