just tell him i said nine months
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
