i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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