I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
