i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
