Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
