Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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