I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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