Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
