If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
