Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
