Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Randomize
