Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
