Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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