Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
