i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
