I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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