Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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