I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
