You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
