They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
