So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
