I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
