I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
