I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
