I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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