I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
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