True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
