Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
