Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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