Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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