we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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