if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize