I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
