no, he came in my armpit
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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