Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
