You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
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