So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
